From A To Z
by A Star In My Universe
Summary: Nicky Nichols and Lorna Morello aren't perfect, but together they're pretty close. 26 one-shots from A-Z detailing Nicky and Lorna's relationship. Nichorello.
1. A

_A is for addict_

Nicky Nichols is an addict.

There was no denying this fact. Always has been, always will be. She admits it in AA every week, standing up at the podium and cracking a joke, the smile permanently fixed to her face though she sometimes felt like her world was crumbling all around her. She tells Red when she feels her resolve weakening – " _It's not personal, it's chemical._ " She told Marka when she ambushed her about "making something" of her life – " _It's easy to get addicted to the first thing in life you actually enjoy."_

Her brain was just…wired _differently._ At least that's what Healy had told her, whilst looking at her over his glasses, his notes shuffling in his grasping hands. Nicky had laughed, her mind swirling with the cough syrup cocktail she'd downed this morning at breakfast that was just beginning to take effect. Remind her not to do that before a meeting again. It hadn't offended her, though the way Healy's eyebrows raised quizzically at her response made her wonder if "different" was synonymous with "bad". Different was something she was used to – different, although somewhat isolating, was at least familiar to Nicky.

"Crossed wires, eh?" Nicky had said, cutting the tension in the air the only way she knew how. "Maybe you should send me down to electrical. I hear Luscheck can fix that, though based on previous experience, he'll probably pawn the work off onto some "newt" like Chapman."

If there was no way to fuel her drug addiction – and Red had made it clear where she stood on that front, hissing, "Don't even fucking _think_ about it," whenever she thought Nicky might be tempted, her heart pounding viciously with the fear that one day, her warnings wouldn't be enough to stop her – she moved on. At first it was sex that took the place of drugs. It provided the same relief, a distraction from her life, something to think about when drugs were the only thing on her mind. And there were plenty of willing, lonely women who all had their place in her little black book, scattered over the pages like an afterthought, ink smudged with her rushed penmanship.

That was until Lorna Morello arrived at Litchfield, full of optimism and bright eyed ideas. Lorna, who could light up a room even when in floods of tears. It wasn't Nicky who first saw the brunette, and it wasn't her who brought her into the family, though she certainly made everyone accept her, even Boo, who made snide remarks before Nicky's glare and Red's warning made them cease to cross her lips anymore. The moment Nicky heard about Morello, though, would be forever burned into the back of her mind. It would always bring a smile to her face, even when nothing else could, which in prison, could be often.

" _She's afraid, and she's a little naïve, but I think she will fit into the family." Red announced, perching on the edge of the lunch tables. "Nicky, you show her the ropes." Red's command sounded non-negotiable and if it wasn't aimed at Nicky, it would have been. But the flicker of Red's eyes told everyone that if Nicky wanted to, she could say no with no repercussions but a disappointed sigh._

 _Nicky rolled her eyes at this, but saluted in jest. "Whatever you say, boss." Her mind wandered to other things then, like what TV show was on after lunch, and what she'd do to occupy herself before it was lights out. Not that there were many options. But Red wasn't finished. There was a sparkle in her eye, a smile spreading across her usually harsher features._

" _I think you'll really like her." Red continued, her voice full of unspoken hopefulness. "And, malyshka, she's gorgeous." Red's tone made this sound like a sweetener for the deal. "Make an effort. For me, no?"_

" _I already agreed, Ma." Nicky prickled with annoyance and then guilt, because she knew Red only wanted the best for her. "I'll look after her. Okay?"_

" _That's all I ask." Red said with a smile. "That, and you'll help me with some prep in the kitchen later. Gina's sick. Ugh." Red shook her head. "I don't believe in getting sick."_

 _Nicky laughed. "Good philosophy. Fine. I'll look after the new girl_ and _I'll help you in the kitchen later. Is that all?"_

" _No. One last thing." Red slid a fruit cup towards Nicky with a smile. "Thank you."_

" _Is this a reward?" Nicky laughed. Red smiled, shaking her head at her most courageous daughter. The others probably would have just accepted it as a treat, without questioning the morals behind it._

" _No. I'd have given it to you anyway. But I'm glad you said yes." Red admits._

" _That's why I love ya." Nicky grinned, peeling back the lid. "As I said, I'll see what I can do."_

It was from that day forward, when they'd met in the showers, that Nicky would have a new obsession, an addiction, that was much more harmless than heroin, a lot less effort than seducing another clueless girl, and hugely more fun to be around than them both combined. Lorna Morello was something more, something real. And she didn't mean real as in something to hold onto when the dark reality of life set in behind the curtains in the chapel, sans clothes and inhibitions, as fun as that may have been. She meant real as in the first pair of eyes she sought out in a busy room; the choked up feeling and the knot in her stomach when she first found out about Christopher and then the relief, the selfish, fucked up _relief_ when she had to hold Morello in her arms, grappling for the right words, as she cried for him, as she finally realised that Christopher was a figment of her imagination.

It didn't matter to Nicky that she was crazy, whatever crazy meant, and whatever her brain acrobats were doing up there. And Lorna didn't focus on Nicky's addictive personality, or drug use that sometimes made others look down on her, the lesbian junkie that always said too much. It was a simple fact that prison life allowed you to look beyond a person's flaws, crimes, or imperfections. It would be hypocritical not to. What mattered was the fact that they fit together like a puzzle, that nothing would ever mean that they couldn't seek comfort in one another. What mattered were the important moments. Nicky's way of telling Lorna I love you. Lorna's choked out response when she was hauled to max. Those things mattered. Imperfections were just that, irregularities and abnormalities that landed them in prison. To point them out was asking for trouble, and though she would do it to others like Doggett when bored, Nicky would never do it to Lorna.

Whilst thinking about those things, Lorna arrives at her cube, a red smile plastered on her face, her hands reaching out for Nicky just like they always did. And just like _she_ always did, Nicky scooted over on her bed, if the flimsy mattress could be considered a bed, and allowed Lorna to melt into her side, Nicky's hands raking through the previously perfect curls that tumbled to Lorna's shoulders. The first time Nicky had done that, Lorna had frowned, her hands reaching to fix her hair. It soon became routine, Lorna enjoying the feel of an almost domestic life in the form of fingers trailing along her scalp, and Nicky embracing the feel of a familiar body leaning against hers, fingers that fit perfectly into her own hands lacing together like a corset, strong and supportive. It was instinct, primal. A chance to hang onto any shred of humanity in the form of human contact and the butterflies that stirred up, fluttering around in their stomachs.

"Hey," Nicky says eventually, the silence gnawing away at her like it always managed to. Lorna smiles, never surprised by Nicky's predictable actions. It was nice for Lorna to have predictable. Growing up, her life had been unstable. Even as an adult, her breakout into a life of crime had been a time of anxiety, where she constantly watched over her shoulder. The items she collected from her mail scam mostly lay unused in her closet, causing her heart to skip a beat if she accidentally caught a glance at something. No, Nicky was reliable. Nicky was familiar. When she wasn't, there was something wrong, and Lorna could fix it. It wasn't like with Christopher – it wasn't her mind running away from her, and she remembered that whenever she felt her skin or saw her eyes catch with Nicky's across as room.

Morello is still thinking about it when Nicky tickles the back of her neck to get her attention. Lorna smiles, still distracted. "Hey," she whispers. Nicky watches her carefully, wondering why she was so quiet when usually there was no shutting her up. It was this incessant need to fill silence that they both shared, much to Red's horror at times.

"You okay, kid?" Nicky finally asks, and Lorna is reminded why she loves Nicky, even if she still sticks by her proclamations that Christopher was "The One". Both parts of her question makes her feel warm inside, the concern in her voice and the nickname that Nicky used so often. Lorna smiles, nodding and staring up at the ceiling of the cube that she'd got to know so well. It wasn't often that they had private moments, and she savored every one they managed to pilfer. It often led to deep conversations, with Nicky and Lorna both saying things they never imagined they'd ever say out loud.

"With you?" Lorna asks. "Always." With that, Nicky smiles to herself, closing her eyes in perfect relaxation. Lorna also relaxes, leaning against Nicky's chest, revelling in the steady rise and fall. The feeling of her steady breathing always managed to calm Lorna down, to expel any rogue panic that she felt rising in her own chest. Nicky's fears and worries always seemed to dissipate in these times, too, only rivalled in her contentment by time spent with other members of the family, namely Red, who also made her feel as at ease as she always felt with Lorna.

 _Yes_ , Nicky thinks, resting her chin on Lorna's head _, there were far worse addictions than Lorna Morello._

 **I hope everyone who read this enjoyed it. Obviously this will be 26 chapters long, all Nichorello. Each chapter will be in different worlds, so there may be conflicting information, but they're not connected. Feel free to leave a suggestion for a future letter of the alphabet, and please tell me what you thought in a review. :)**


	2. B

_B is for bunkmate_

"Do you want a shot?" Pornstache threatened menacingly, his eyes narrowed. Nicky rolled her eyes and shook her head, knowing full well it was a rhetorical question. She wasn't ignorant like Doggett, but it was fun to see the COs struggle to respond to anything other than a wide eyed gasp to which they smugly replied in a bark, "I thought not. Keep it moving!" Pornstache stared for a moment before nodding. "Watch yourself, Nichols."

Nicky turned her attention back to her breakfast mates, poking at the questionable looking eggs on the side of her tray. Behind her, she heard shuffling shoes that were distinctly Red. Without missing a beat, Red's hand swiftly smacked Nicky in the back of the head. Nicky bites back a sarcastic response. "For being obstinate." Red steps forward, her chef's uniform brushing against Nicky's arm as she places a foot on the seat next to her. "And for the way you looked at my eggs."

Lorna laughed easily, smiling at Red. "I'm sure she didn't mean it," she says kindly. She pokes Nicky's arm and pushes her curls from her eyes so she could see her face. "What's wrong? You've been in a bad mood all day."

"A bad mood?" Red asked worriedly. Her eyes crinkled in concern as she watched Nicky's face for any sign of something wrong. The rest of the table – Chapman, Boo, and Gina – watched the scene unfold wordlessly, knowing the feeling.

"I'm just fucking sick of this place," Nicky admitted, shaking her head, "The COs are sadistic fucks, Luscheck is being uptight because he had a disciplinary meeting, and my bunkmate is using again." The latter on her list caused both women talking to her to pause. Nicky rolled her eyes again at her sort of mother and sort of girlfriend, pushing her tray away from her. "I'm not using again, so you don't have to look at me like that."

Not bothering to wait for Nicky to explain further, Red is gone in the blink of an eye, disappearing into her kitchen whilst her girls watch her leave, boring holes into her back. "Uh oh," Lorna remarked, pointing her fork in the direction where Red fled to. "That wasn't a happy Russian."

Nicky's brow furrows as she nods. "And an unhappy Russian means bad news for us," she mutters, holding her own fork in the air to emphasise her point. Nicky shakes her head and follows Red's trail to the kitchen, tugging at the bottom of her shirt in anticipation. As the door to the kitchen swings open, Red is shaking hands with another inmate, a smug smile etched on her red lips. Nicky purses her own lips before sliding onto the counter as the other inmate moves quickly away, spotting the glare on Nicky's features. Red continues to chop vegetables as Nicky stares, her eyes burning holes into Red's head which was bent down in mock concentration. "What the hell was that about?" Nicky spat her words out, her eyes narrowed and sounding pissed.

Red's eyes snapped up to meet Nicky's. She points her knife at Nicky, her own blue eyes narrowed but determined. "You may want to play fast and loose with your life," she starts, the knife waving in the air as she illustrated her point. She quickly turns the knife to herself, as if making another point. "But I'm not going to stand around and watch you try to kill yourself – again." Red's point is loud and clear. Nicky's self-destruction had an impact on everyone around her. If she stuck a knife into herself, it would be Red bleeding too. Nicky stayed silent as Red's mood seemed to instantly lift as she dropped her knife on the counter. "Tell Lorna that she's your new bunkmate."

Nicky's eyes widened at Red. "What?"

"You heard," Red said dismissively. "Now if you wanna help prep lunch, so be it. But if you don't, get out of my kitchen. Go on." Red's hand shooed Nicky away but there was a smile on her face. Nicky hopped off of the counter to join the others, her mind whirling as she sat heavily at the table.

"Hey, Morello," Nicky started. "I guess Red doesn't mess around. You're my new bunkie." Nicky smirks as she puts her head closer to Lorna's. "I hear you snore." Before Lorna can vehemently protest, Nicky continues, "Not that you'll be sleeping much now."

Lorna frowned for a moment, considering. "I don't snore," she said, her brow creasing. "And that's not very ladylike," she added. "Not at the dinner-table."

"Well," Nicky said, clearly teasing her. "It's lunch – and it's better than in a fucking chapel, right?" The other girls at the table hid their smirks by staring down at their breakfasts while Lorna's cheeks flushed bright red and her eyes stared out over the cafeteria indignantly. Nicky laughed easily despite Lorna's expression, and put an arm around Lorna's waist. "I'm just joking, kid." She raised her eyebrows. "I'm sure you don't snore."

Lorna folded her sheets into the standard formation for beds, humming as she worked. Nicky watched from her own bunk, knees pulled to her chest, her chin on her knees. "I know you're watching me." Morello's smile seeped into her words even though Nicky couldn't see her face.

"Mm hm." Nicky said unashamedly. "I enjoy looking at beautiful people." With that, Lorna turned to face Nicky, her nose wrinkling as she smiled.

"Are you quoting from The Fault in Our Stars?" Lorna laughed, straightening out her pillow and joining Nicky on her side of the cube, sliding into bed next to her. Nicky instantly changed position so that Lorna's head rested on her chest, the both of them sitting lazily leaned against one another. Nicky frowned.

"I thought you never finished that book."

Lorna shrugged, embarrassed, before looking away. "I watched the movie," she offered. "And don't change the subject! You were quoting from a romantic movie. You, Nichols, are cute."

"Just get over here." Nicky said, shaking her head. Lorna scooted over, even closer, her hands almost immediately entwining in Nicky's hair. But then Nicky heard a sigh, and she looked down at Lorna. "What?"

Lorna looked up worriedly. "I'm here with you and Christopher's all alone, waiting for me." She twirled her fingers in Nicky's hair, the soft curls distracting her. Nicky rolled her own eyes, but didn't move. Her stomach twisted at his name, and she had wanted to push Lorna out of her bed, liking the moments when she had Lorna all to herself. Instead, she just forced a smile, her fingers trailing along Lorna's neck in an attempt at comfort.

"I'm sure Christopher's happy that you've got someone to…comfort you." Nicky said as Lorna giggled.

"Mm. You're very…comforting." When their eyes met, all thoughts of Christopher disappeared from her mind as her lips collided with Nicky's. Hands raked through hair and tugged at clothes under the blanket. They had created their own little world, protected from everyone else. Nicky laughed as Lorna pulled off her shapeless top, their skin touching in a way that was oh so familiar. As Nicky's lips trailed down Lorna's neck, there was a cough.

Nicky's head emerged from the blanket to face Red's amused face, her eyebrows raising. Lorna quickly followed, her expression sheepish as she blushed up at Red. "Hey, Ma." Nicky said casually, pushing her hair out of her eyes. Lipstick smudges littered her pale face and Red brushed away one with her thumb as she stared down at both of her girls.

"You're in a better mood." She commented, her glasses rested on the bridge of her nose. Nicky grinned up at Red, pulling Morello closer to her as she chuckled.

"You could say that." Morello smiled at Nicky, pleased to see the smile back on her face. "I could get used to this. Though," she added thoughtfully, "I will miss our cubicle."

Red shook her head, smiling. "Just don't be late for lunch," she said, sounding just like a mother no matter how strange the scenario.

Nicky grinned at Lorna. "I make no promises." Red glanced at Lorna, expecting her to protest or confirm that they would be at lunch. Lorna shrugged noncommittally, her eyes trailing down at Nicky.

"I mean; I've got ramen…"

 **Hey! I had a bit of writer's block with this but I had some free time so thought I'd write for it. Have you guys noticed that in OITNB, Nicky pulls down her shirt a lot? I don't know if it's Nicky or Natasha's habit haha. Anyway, tell me what you think and what you'd like C to be!**

 **Thanks to nnicholsnlyonne for this idea/prompt and for spurring me on to actually write it haha. :)**


	3. C

_C is for concern_

It had been three days since Nicky returned from max. Three days and she was already doing her own thing again, already brushing everyone, even Lorna, off with a laugh and a "don't worry about me."

Lorna remembered the first three days she'd been gone as she watched her from across the cafeteria. They'd been a mess of tears and sleepless nights and letters to men who didn't give a damn about her, the "hot girl from prison" they'd been writing to.

Not like Nicky had. Never like Nicky had.

Oh, god. It was those three days that she'd realised how stupid she'd been, pushing Nicky away for doing nothing but...loving her? Lorna paused. The words rolled off of the tongue easily enough, but love? Was it love? Nicky had told her so, yes, but Nicky had also told her a multitude of sins and it wasn't always easy distinguishing the truth from a lie. Lorna's own words often blurred the two together until it was like she was drowning in a murkily mixed lake of honesty and deceit.

Lorna cringed for how long she'd clung to the fantasy of Christopher. Longer than she cared to remember, she thought with a shudder. And Nicky had stuck by her, even when the lies came easily out of her mouth, even when the truth came tumbling out from Christopher's in those harsh heartbreaking words.

But now? Through _this?_

Lorna knew the heartache to Nicky caused by her. She wasn't callous or cruel but the words always spilled out of her mouth before her mind had the chance to catch up with her. Sometimes she scared herself as the lies freely flowed. Sometimes she was so passionate she even convinced herself. Until, that is, she stared at the ceiling at night, laying on her bunk, the fantasy slowly ebbing away and reality spilling down her cheeks in silent sobs that wracked her whole body. In the morning, she would be alright. Her lipstick would paint a smile on her face, her powder would conceal any redness that the tears had dare to leave.

And Nicky would be waiting for her, just like she always was, ready to see what mischief was waiting for them today. Just like she had on the day she'd disappeared from Lorna's life, slipped from her grasp and taken to max without even the chance of a goodbye. It was in that moment that Lorna had felt her heart clenching like she was never going to breathe again. Now, she had to face losing her again by telling her that she'd gotten married.

So yes, she was concerned about the girl who never said what she was really feeling, who never admitted to needing love, the girl who she so badly wanted to understand because god knows Nicky understood her.

Lorna was concerned that she was going to turn to heroin again.

She was concerned that Nicky would never talk to her again.

She was concerned that Red would lose her daughter again, and it would be too much this time, and that it would be all her fault.

And without wanting to admit it, she was concerned that when she looked into Nicky's eyes, she'd all but forget Vince's name in favor of...well, anything, Nicky had to say.

Lorna took a deep breath and tucked her dark hair behind her ears as she approached Nicky, who leaned against a table. She was cracking a joke to Piper and Boo, a smile fixed on her face though her eyes were tired. Who knew what she had to endure in max? Lorna winced as she considered, not wanting to think about anything like that. Nicky hadn't told her anything, and that was the worst part. Usually, she'd share any stories that she could twist into something humorous. The fact that Nicky had sent out a radio silence about the whole experience was even more worrying for Lorna.

"Hey, Nicky," Lorna said, her voice as even as she could manage. Nicky offered her a smile but doesn't say much, so Lorna takes that as an opportunity to take her away. She hooks Nicky's arm in hers and tugs.

Piper raises her eyebrows. "God, do you two ever give it a rest?" She laughs easily and pokes at her food whilst Lorna rolls her eyes and makes a face. Nicky grins, pushing back her hair as she stares at Lorna. She's confused about why Lorna wanted her, because she was pretty sure it was nothing like Piper was insinuating. Lorna's eyes were worried and dark, but she pushed the negative feelings to the back of her mind and smiles back at her.

"Did you miss me that much, kid?" A rough laugh escapes from her lips but it's an effort to act so easy going when she wanted to hold Lorna's face in her hands and ask what was going on.

"Morello was having far too much fun with her new husband to miss Nichols." C.O Bell barked a laugh from behind the two of them. "At my expense, I'll add. I was the unlucky one who had to chaperone."

Nicky flinched like she'd been slapped, and her glare floated from C.O Bell's face to Lorna, who looked up guiltily at her. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Nicky snaps. If it was a joke, it wasn't a funny one. If it was the truth, then what the _fuck_ was Lorna thinking?

"Nicky, please-" Lorna reached for Nicky's arm, her hand grasping for some form of reassurance. All Nicky felt on her skin was the band of Lorna's ring, and she recoiled like she'd been burned. It was like a punch to the gut. How she hadn't noticed was beyond her, and she stared at the cheap metal band whilst the emotions flashed onto her features. Lorna was powerless to do anything by this point; she knew that whatever Nicky needed to do, she was going to do with or without her.

"Morello," Nicky's tone was terse and she jerked away from the physical comfort that Lorna tried to offer. Nicky's words seemed to fail her and instead she stood in front of Lorna, her eyes crinkling and her forehead creased. "You're a completely crazy bitch, you know that?"

The words aren't like the last time she'd called her crazy. They weren't affectionate. There was no kiss on the forehead after them. There was only contempt in Nicky's brown eyes, and seemingly pure disgust as she walked away, pulling down at her shirt as she left.

Lorna found herself sitting in the chapel later that day, reminiscing over what used to be. She smiled at the memories but it made her heart feel heavy and her eyes well up as she wondered where Nicky was now. If she knew her, she'd be with Red, prepping for dinner. Red would be watching over her carefully, her brow knitting together at Nicky's heavy-handedness with the sharp knives, and telling her softly, "Nicky, _malyshka..."_

The thought of Nicky needing comfort from her actions made Lorna sob, and the tears flowed quickly. As she let the cries escape her mouth, she felt a hand on her back. "Here, dear," a voice said behind her. A tissue was placed into Lorna's reaching hand, and she blotted at her face with it ineffectually. Sister Ingalls sat next to her quietly, rubbing her back in gentle circles. "Is this about Nicky?"

Lorna nodded. "How did you know?" She sniffed the air, her posture straightening slightly with intrigue.

"God tells me what I need to know." Sister said with a smile. When Lorna frowned, clearly alarmed, Sister Ingalls chuckled softly. "That, and Nicky was in here earlier, staring at the exact same spot you were. Is that special somehow to you?"

Lorna nodded absently, her cheeks tingeing red. She wasn't going to explain to a nun why the chapel was special to her and Nicky, it didn't bear thinking about the reaction. "You could say so," she said. "I'm just so worried about her. I didn't want her to find out about Vince like that."

"Did you want her to find out at all?" Sister asked kindly. When Lorna failed to reply, she nodded. "Hmm. Well, dear, the essence of love is concern." Lorna stared for a moment before bursting into tears all over again.

"But I love Vince," she said through her tears. Sister Ingalls nodded, though it wasn't convincing. "I married him. Don't you believe in the sanctity of marriage?"

"Of course I do," Sister said. "But being in prison has taught me that not everything is about rules and regulations, ironic as that may be. Being happy is the most important thing. Are you happy?" When Lorna fails to answer again, Sister continued, "Is Nicky happy?"

Lorna shook her head miserably. "I don't know how to make her happy."

"What about you?" Sister pushed on. "What makes you happy?"

"I don't know," Lorna admitted tearfully. "It's been awhile."

"Think back: when was the last time you felt truly happy? Truly content?" Lorna considered for a moment, before a smile appeared on her face without even her wanting it to. "Ah ha. That's the moment, whatever you were just thinking of. What was it? Where were you?"

"Oh," Lorna said. "Well...I was very close to God," she said.

"Ah, your wedding day." Sister Ingalls nodded as Lorna started guiltily.

"Actually, no."

The day Lorna had been thinking about wasn't long ago. Three days ago, to be exact. Nicky had returned from max and they'd met in the chapel. It hadn't been like the other times, yet they felt closer than they ever had before.

 _On the floor, the two girls entwined their fingers together. The chapel brought back memories and also gave their reunion an ethereal atmosphere. Their foreheads leaned against one another's and they stared into each other's eyes. There wasn't much said between them. "I missed you."_

 _"I missed you too." Lorna said. All of her worries about Nicky returning had dissipated as soon as she stared into those eyes, and she ran her fingers down Nicky's side and stomach. Their closeness after all this time was almost overwhelming for Nicky, who had missed Lorna more than she'd ever care to admit. It was her she craved at night as she heard the other inmates screaming and crying and doing all sorts of things that never would have happened up the hill. "I didn't know if you were coming back."_

 _Nicky swallowed hard. "Neither did I." Her voice wavered as she said that and Lorna knew she had been close to her breaking point. She just prayed and hoped that whatever had happened down the hill, it hadn't been Nicky falling off the wagon. She couldn't bear the thought of getting her back and losing her to those fucking drugs again._

 _"You're back now, it's okay. You're with me." Lorna said to her. She attempted a smile as she pushed Nicky's hair back gently, her fingers lingering against Nicky's temple._

 _"I know." Nicky smiled, though it was an effort. "Isn't it always?"_

"It was three days ago."

"When Nicky came back," Sister Ingalls confirmed with a sigh. Lorna nodded. "I think you need to talk to her."

Later that day, Lorna had finally found Nicky. As Lorna suspected, she had spent the day with Red, who have Lorna a pointed look when she came looking for her. "She doesn't need any help to hit self destruct," Red reminded her. "Okay?"

"I know," Lorna said quietly. "Where is she?"

With a sigh and after a moment of hesitation, Red pointed her knife in the direction of her office. From inside the room, Nicky's voice rang out, loud and sarcastic. "Thanks, Ma." Lorna couldn't help but smile at Nicky.

"Nicky, come on." Lorna opened the little gate to Red's office with a shove. "We've been apart for ages. Do you really to be arguing now?"

"It's not an argument. I can't win. You're _married."_ Nicky spat the words out venomously and Lorna cringed. Then Lorna laughed though Nicky frowned.

"You're too competitive for your own good. Not everything's about winning, you know. Just be happy." Lorna echoed the words of Sister Ingalls.

"How am I supposed to do that?" Nicky whispered. Lorna took her hand, rubbing her thumb on Nicky's hand.

"You're back from max. You're clean." _I hope,_ Lorna added silently. "We've got each other and the family. Nicky, I'm not going anywhere. Okay? If that's what you're concerned about...then don't be. I'm not leaving."

"Of course you're not. It's prison." Nicky scoffed, though her whole demeanor softened. "Do you mean that?" Nicky added quietly.

Lorna nodded. "Of course I do. Things don't have to change, Nicky. They're not going to." Nicky wondered what Lorna's logic was behind this statement, but was too tired and too glad to hear it to argue about it.

"Good." With that, Lorna slid down into Nicky's lap on the chair she was sitting on. Nicky's hands immediately entwined with Lorna's.

It had been three days since Nicky returned from max. Three days and they were already slipping back into old habits, three days and they still had so much catching up to do.

Lorna wasn't going to concern herself with the technicalities of it all. For now, she was happy just being with Nicky - just like always.

 **Please leave a review and tell me what you think and of course what you want to see in future chapters. I will be taking suggestions but I got caught up in my own little world for this one, which I hope you enjoyed reading.**


	4. D

_D is for deceived_

"She's not right," I whisper to Red, flickering my eyes up to meet hers, which look equally as concerned. "I know she's on something. I don't know what it is, but look at her, Red."

Red nods absently, though most of her attention is on Nicky and not what I'm saying. She hmms softly in agreement. "That fucking girl," Red says. There's no trace of venom in her voice. She just sounds tired, and I can understand why. "When will she learn?"

When she's dead. Those are the first words that spring to mind, and it's terrifying. I don't say anything because I know from the look on her face that Red is thinking the same thing. I shrug my shoulders which seems so careless, but I just don't know what to do anymore.

"I lost Tricia." Red states quietly. "That was awful enough. But Nicky?" She shakes her head, not caring that her hair falls out of place. Making no attempt to fix her hair, she looks me in the eye, and her stare is hard. "I won't lose Nicky." I open my mouth but before I say anything at all Red cuts me off. "No," she says, with another shake of her head. "Don't say anything, please." Red always seemed to defy her age, especially in prison. She never sat with the other older ladies, the Golden Girls. She was always so strong. But now she seemed to have aged ten years, and I know why. The reason is sitting across from us, trying desperately to cover whatever was wrong with a joke.

"You won't lose her," I say despite her protests. "She's not stupid." I glance over at Nicky, who sits with Chapman and Yoga Jones. She's laughing like everything's okay. Making jokes like she always does. I wonder if she did that with her mom; if she laughed off her concerns and did whatever she wanted to do regardless. Then I feel guilty, because her mom is standing in front of me. Nicky doesn't tell me much about Marka, but from what I've heard..well, it's her fault she's on drugs to begin with. I feel anger building in my chest. Nicky...she's not perfect. But who is? She's funny. She's beautiful. She's smart. She...loves me. I fight the tears that threaten to spill, wiping my eyes carefully. Why is it that everyone I care about hits self-destruct? Fight their way to get away from me? First Christopher. Now Nicky. Only Nicky's way out wouldn't let me break out of prison and lay in her bathtub. I'd be lying on her grave. The thought sends a shiver down my spine.

Red shakes her head again in a vehement argument. "I know," she says, her eyes crinkling. "But she's not very smart either, is she? Putting that shit in her body."

"I don't know what goes through her head," I admit. I scrape my hair back with my hands, watch her from across the room. I can't bear the thought of her not being here. Even though I push her away, I need her more than anything. Is it my fault? She thinks she's so unlovable. But I love her. I do.

I walk away from Red, though I can hear her calling my name. My heart pounds as I get closer to Nicky, and she smiles up at me. I force a smile back, hoping my lipstick emphasizes it and people focus on that rather than the fear in my eyes. From the quirk of Nicky's eyebrow, I can tell I'm not fooling anyone. Especially not her.

"Hey, Morello. Seen a ghost?" Nicky says almost instantly as I slide down next to her.

 _Not yet_ , I think weakly. I shake my head. "No. Just you," I say tiredly.

Nicky looks at me then glances at Chapman, who shrugs her shoulders nonchalantly. "What?" Nicky says easily. "What the fuck are you talking about?" She's always been good at lying. So good that I almost believe that she's not on something.

Almost.

"Nicky…" My voice trails off as she glares at me. Her eyes blaze with a mixture of anger and fear. "Please. Let's talk about this somewhere else." I look around, gesturing to the busy room. "I'm worried."

"No," she whispers harshly. "Let's not." I look down at the table, blinking back the tears. I can see her demeanor changing as she shifts in her seat. In my peripheral vision, I see her scrape back her hair and look down at me. "Kid," she says, her voice desperate. She's struggling for words. I look up and see Red's eyes trained on us. Full of hope that she's wrong. Blind hope, because she knows she's not. "I'm a lost cause, okay?" She looks up to Red, throwing her hands in the air. "Sorry, Ma," she says, coming to a stand.

Red watches Nicky, her blue eyes swimming with tears. _A lost cause._ Her eyes follow Nicky out of the room and she moves swiftly into the kitchen, ignoring the stares she got from other inmates. I follow Nicky out into the hallway, watching her anxiously tug at the bottom of her shirt and bouncing on the balls of her feet.

"Don't, okay?" Nicky says without turning around to face me. My cheeks burn red with embarrassment and frustration. "I don't need a lecture. I don't need _you."_ She keeps walking until she reaches the bathroom, and I follow her.

The words stung, but I try to brush them off. She's never herself when she's on drugs. Always too much. Too brash. Too angry. Too fragile. "Well," I say, fighting tears and trying to find the right words, "I need you, alright? You don't get to be angry here, you're the one who's off the wagon again." I don't mean to sound so nasty. So bitter. But as usual, my mouth runs away with me. "We're all worried about you and you don't even care. You lied to me."

Finally, she turns, leaning against the sinks. "You don't get to be concerned!" Her stance is defensive, her fists balled up by her sides. She scoffs. "You're worried? What does it matter, anyway? I was always hopeless." She shrugs again. "I told you - a lost cause," she says dejectedly. The cigarette she somehow got a hold of rolls between her fingers, unlit.

"It matters to me." I walk to her. Reach for her hand that rests, shaking, on the side. She tugs it away with a frown, shaking her head. "So you're a lost cause? You're _my_ lost cause."

She laughs. "This isn't West Side Story, Lorna. This is real life and real life doesn't have happy endings." She glares again and rolls her eyes. "And I don't need you ratting me out to Red. She's already pissed about the kitchen." I don't say anything, just watch her. "Listen," she says finally, after moments of silence. She pushes her hair back out of her eyes and faces me. "I only lied because I didn't want to hurt you. Okay?"

"Not really." I say. Sometimes life turns out perfectly. Like me and Vince. I know she's wrong about that. "You don't need to lie to me." I hesitate. "I'm not like Marka, or whoever else made you feel like you weren't worth it on the outside..." I watch how she reacts, but she doesn't. "If you're using again," I say, deliberately giving her the benefit of the doubt, "Then you can tell me. I want to help. I need you, Nicky."

Nicky sighs, her eyes rolling again. But this time it's through tiredness, not malice. She glances at me. "Stop needing hopeless things," she says tiredly. "It'll only end in tears."

"Yours or mine?" I ask. Nicky laughs hollowly. "You might be hopeless and a lost cause and you've got cold feet in bed but I'd rather have you than hope and I've always been good at finding things and I'd rather cold feet than a cold slab of marble with "Nicole" written on it, Nicky," I blurt out in a ramble. "I'd rather have you. Just you."

"Then you're a fucking masochist, Morello," she says, rubbing her temples. I laugh at her. Humor is her first line of defense, and I'm relieved that she's at least with it enough to make jokes.

"You've already said that you don't want to hurt me, Nichols." I reply. I take her hand, knocking the cigarette out of her hand and letting it drop to the floor that I really should have cleaned better.

"At least you're listening," she says with her eyes closed. "I'll try," she says at last. She opens her eyes. "I'll try. For you. And for Red," she adds, a guilty expression clouding her features. She bites her lip. "I'll probably fuck it up, but...well that's just me, isn't it?" She exhales through her nose.

"No," I say, holding her close to me. I pull her closer and rest my cheek against her soft hair. The scent of apples encompasses me and I run my fingers through the locks of hair. "You're just...human. Humans ruin things. But sometimes we find things worth fighting for."

"Oh yeah?" Nicky says, her head resting against my shoulder. "Like what?"

I smile at her, for once the one to reassure her. She looks up at me, her brown eyes wide. I wonder how anyone could look into those eyes and not fall in love. She might be a liar and a junkie, and she might be a lost cause...but whatever she is, she's mine. I laugh, shaking my head. "Like you!"

 **So here's D! Johanna-002 suggested this word and I loved it and hope I did it justice. :) Please suggest what you'd like to see next (AU too!) and tell me what you thought in a review.**


	5. E

**A/N:**

 **Hey guys! I know I haven't updated in awhile and this is short. But thank you to** hollyhalebnichorelloregelolove **who suggested this chapter. I know it's short but I really didn't know how to make it longer! I hope you enjoy it. Please leave a review telling me what you think and suggestions for F.  
** **xo**

 _E is for_ encounter

Lorna gritted her teeth and pulled the wires underneath the car taught. One more little tweak and the moment that bitch stepped into her car...

Lorna sniffed and wiped her nose with the back of her hand, glancing behind her furtively. She knew she had to leave soon - she didn't want to watch her get blown to pieces, she wasn't a psychopath. It was a necessary evil to keep her man, and everyone did shit like this, right? Soon she was laughing and whilst she didn't know why, the high pitched yelps made her feel better.

The sight of a pretty girl bent unnaturally under a car was an unusual scene to say the least, and Nicky wasn't sure if this image was some sort of sick, drug induced mirage. _The subconscious mind could do weird things, right?_ The girl thought as she came around the corner, squeezing her eyes shut as she attempted to steady herself. Her hands scrabbled for the wall in front of her, cold brick seeming to calm her tingling skin and sweating flesh. With a trembling hand she grabbed her hair and scraped it back out of her eyes.

And though she was hazy and in a fug of slight confusion, Nicky still felt drawn to the girl. Watching as she tugged on wires underneath the car exasperatedly, Nicky made her way over to the car and huddled down next to Lorna, brow creased as she tried to work out what she was doing. Not even once did she look up to face her, and Nicky scooted closer.

"What the fuck are you doing?" Nicky finally asked, eyes narrowing as she peered down at the device she was clearly trying to attach to the car, once her curiosity got the better of her. Lorna jumped at the sound of her voice but was ultimately relieved that it was a stranger and not the owner of the car, and laughed nervously.

She smirked as she finally managed to attach the device, muttering a small, " _Finally!_ " in her victory. She flipped her hair over her shoulder and laughed again, more breezily than the last time. "Getting rid of a slut!"

Nicky laughed too at the small outburst, more surprised than anything else. She felt more clued up now, and had a feeling that what she was doing wasn't strictly legal. She chuckled again, to herself this time. Who was she to judge, as the drugs still flowed through her veins? She shook her head at the girl and turned away. She wasn't sticking around; she was going to crash sooner than later and who knows who would be around to see it?

Lorna made one final tweak and turned back to Nicky. "So, you from around here?" Lorna asked as she turned. "Oh," she says, as the girl had disappeared. She looked around but she was no-where to be found. She stood, dusting herself off and looking around again. She laughed once more. The distraction of the girl had relaxed her enough to stop her shaking hands and allowed her to fix the bomb to the bottom of the car.

Lorna smiled. Life had a funny way of working out sometimes.


	6. F

_F is for face_

"How do you do it?" Stella asked Nicky, sitting down next to her. Nicky didn't turn to face her, nor did she give any indication that she had even heard her. Finally, after rolling her eyes tiredly, Nicky shrugged.

"Do what?" She rubbed her eyes tiredly, already done with this conversation.

"Survive this."

If there was anything that Nicky memorized in this life, it was the faces of those she loved. She could recall every line, every freckle and every single feature. It was the only thing that got her through the hell called 'max'.

Sometimes she'd remember Red's face. Those blue eyes, sparkling in the light. The hair, of course - flicking out in every direction and being thrown back as she laughed. Smirking lips. A smile that lit up the room. Eyebrows that would raise oh so slightly as she asked a question that - frustratingly - she already knew the answer to.

Mostly, though, she'd think of Lorna's. Big brown doe eyes that implored you to do whatever she wanted. Plump red lips, leaving tracks wherever she kissed. Worries that appeared as a creased forehead. A nose that wrinkled in disbelief or distaste. Brunette locks that tangled and tickled...oh how she missed that face. And her body. And even the stupid things that sometimes came out of her mouth.

Yes, as she stared at the dirty ceiling in bed, those were the only things that kept her going. That kept her sober. Of course, until they didn't. Until not even their faces, that were beginning to become fuzzy at the edges, could keep her away from wanting to forget it all.

When that happened, she would think about what she'd say to her, if she found out. Praying that somehow she would, and thanking god that she hadn't yet.

It would be the angry, harsh words first. It pained her to think that she knew because she had been through it before too many times before. Maybe Marka was right - maybe she'd ' _only learn when you're dead_ '. "You're smacked out of your gourd. What the fuck, Nichols?"

Then would come the concern. The flicker of Lorna's eyes when her own eyes were rolling back into her head. _"_ Come on, Nicky...I'm worried about you. You don't need 'em."

Finally, it would be pleading. _"Please!_ " Shrieking voices at a loss of what to do for the best, raw emotion and hurt evident in every waking moment that they spent with you. "I'll do anything if you just give that shit _up_!"

And she'd say yes and agree through it all as long as she could get her next fix. But lying to Lorna and Red wasn't like lying to Marka. Her brown eyes filled with unspoken hope and she clasped her close, whispering how proud she was. It was ten times harder yet she still managed. What kind of a person did that make her?

Nicky shrugged once again, letting her head loll on the wall behind them both. "How the fuck should I know?"

* * *

Lorna breathed out shakily as she tried to hold the yoga pose. Yoga Jones encouraged her from the front of the room. "Soft eyes, Morello! Hold that, perfect." She turned to the rest of the class. "I hope these classes help you get through tough times. I know they help me."

 _Tough times!_ Lorna scoffed as she exhaled. Prison was always tough. She had a feeling, though, that Yoga Jones' comment was aimed at her. Nicky's absence had hit her harder than she ever thought possible, and her legs wobbled in the pose.

Whilst Nicky was in max, Lorna dealt with her emotions in the only way she knew how to - by not facing them. She ignored them at every opportunity, and whenever she thought of Nicky, whenever she felt herself slipping, she got that pen and paper out and wrote another sappy letter to another skeevy guy. It was stupid and dangerous but the only way she knew how to make herself feel better. Feel _normal._

When the pain built up in her chest and made her feel like she was going to explode from this awful mix of grief and loss and heartache, tinged with fury and hate and longing, she threw herself into the best guy she had encountered. She'd listen to his compliments and bat her eyelashes as their fingers entwined. Fingers that didn't quite fit with hers, that fumbled instead of caressing.

And she'd say I love you because that's what girls _do._ They doll themselves up and smile prettily. They get married! At least that's what Lorna had been led to believe for most of her life, exacerbated by the fact that she was the pretty one. Her sister was the smart one, the one with the babies and the one with the perfect life.

Lorna, she was in jail. It wasn't a shock that she wasn't exactly the family favorite. But she found something on the inside that she never had before. Despite her ramblings about Christopher and weddings, she found affection. Love, even. Someone to hold on cold winter nights when you felt alone. Nicky was different. She never shied away. She _even defended her!_

It wasn't just physical comfort. She had realized that when Nicky was gone...when it was too late to fix. When she craved someone to talk to, someone to laugh with. It seemed now that no-one wanted to laugh. No-one wanted to talk to the crazy girl.

She couldn't blame them. Without Nicky...well, what was the point? She could only wait for a miracle, if she deserved one after everything. She doubted it.

"Remember to breathe _out_ as well, Lorna," Yoga Jones' called. Lorna exhaled heavily, looking over anxiously at her. "That's it," she smiled. "Now relax."

 **A/N:**

 **Haven't updated in awhile but I hope you enjoyed it. As always, please tell me what you think and leave suggestions for the next chapter in a review. :)**


	7. G

_G is for gone_

 _Ain't no sunshine when she's gone  
It's not warm when she's away  
Ain't no sunshine when she's gone  
She's always gone too long anytime she goes away_

"Nicky!" A distressed voice from the other line called out. A voice that she would recognize anywhere, anytime, any place. She looked to the sky. Clouds covered what was left of daylight, shrouding them in gray. Nicky let go of the breath she was holding, using all of her strength to look straight at Lorna. "Nicky, please don't go!"

Like she had a fucking choice.

Nicky had learned from a very early age that you don't get attached to people, that they come and go like the seasons. One moment you had someone, then the next...they were slipping from your grasp, and if you tried to cling on, you just prolonged the hurt. Prolonged the inevitable, because you can't change the world, and you can't change people. No matter how hard you try.

Lorna had a different perspective on life. She believed that, in spite of everything she'd been through, love conquered all. That if you believed enough, if you believed with every fiber of your being, everything would work out in the end. _Especially_ true love. That's the way it was in fairy tales, long before Lorna knew that love meant anything more than glass slippers and a prince waiting on the last page. Even in prison, Lorna still believed that. Because, well, " _dreams do come true, if only we wish hard enough. You can have anything in life if you will sacrifice everything else for it."_ And she truly believed that Peter Pan had it right. The universe may have punished her for Christopher, but it had given her Vince. And...and it had given her Nicky, too.

Prison was supposed to be a punishment. That's what they'd said at her trial. Time to think about what she'd done, time to reflect and repent. To find a way to control herself when her temper and rage built up.

And she had - she'd found a way to channel her rage, albeit an equally unhealthy one. She had convinced every person in that prison that Christopher was waiting for her on the outside, probably laden with flowers and chocolates, wittered on about how perfect their wedding would be…." _oh, he'll cry when he sees me walk down the aisle."_

But Nicky had seen right through it, and she was there when it all came crumbling down. When Christopher, her only hope for the outside world, had pushed her roughly away. She'd been there to wipe up the tears and kiss the top of her messy hair. Held her as she said her worst fears.

" _Nobody's gonna love me."_

Nicky had pulled her in, closed her own eyes. The way her arms wrapped around her, their heartbeats suddenly strumming to the same beat, it just felt right in a way that Lorna had never experienced before with anyone.

"I do." And so the girl who didn't believe in fairy tales, or true love, or even _herself_ most of the time, believed in one thing. She believed - through all of the shit she had put her through - in Lorna.

She even stayed when Lorna tried to push her away - and she did so, often, and usually with forceful words that she didn't always mean after the heat of the moment. After the floodgates opened and her tears quelled any fiery rage that had burned inside of her like a forest fire, the poison of delusion flowing through her veins along with the red hot blood.

" _And it's your fault, because you loved heroin more than you loved me!"_

Lorna's cheeks had flushed after she'd said that. Sure, Nicky had told her that she loved her. But Nicky had no doubt told countless women the same thing as they yelled her name.

Nicky didn't believe in true love. That was what you told kids so that they didn't believe adulthood was as shitty as it actually is. She'd had boyfriends, when she was younger. She'd had girlfriends. She'd had more lovers than she could count on both hands. She'd seen so many different loves in her life that she was sick of it. Her mom's love life was as pitiful as her own. She'd do anything for him, and he'd repay her by treating her like shit. Each woman she passed in prison, it seemed, was in there because they took the rap for something, or because they'd finally snapped.

So she made a point of never saying it.

She _had_ loved heroin. The best girlfriend she had ever had, she agreed with Vause, twisting a curl of copper hair around her pinky finger. And like a guy who only ever picked up hookers on his way home from work, even the girlfriend she paid to stick around eventually had to go, leaving her trembling and lovesick. Girl after girl in prison made it bearable. Made her forget about heroin for just the tiniest amount of time.

Until Morello.

First time she'd saw her, she already knew she wanted her. Raven haired with perfect pouty red lips. Snow White had always been her favorite princess; as a kid, when Paloma would read fairy tales to her, she'd hold the book close to her and whisper shyly into the darkness, looking up at Paloma. "So pretty," she'd whisper, little fingers running over the pages.

Paloma would hold her close, smile down at her. She'd pull the covers over the child whose eyelids were growing heavier by the minute. "She is. So are you, darling. But I think you're more of a Sleeping Beauty."

And Nicky would giggle, snuggling down under the covers, her little voice piping up. Her forehead wrinkled, she protested. "But they're not in the same story."

"No," Paloma agreed, smoothing Nicky's hair out. "But they both get a happy ending, don't they?"

But somehow, they'd made it work in their dysfunctional way, and a sort of twisted love story had formed.

Now...now it was being torn from both of their grasps, and there wasn't a thing either of them could do.

Yes, Nicky had learned a long time ago that anything worth keeping never really stuck around. Yet as she watched Lorna board the bus opposite hers, she blinked back tears. This was it. Every bad thing she had done was coming back to haunt her now, because she had let someone get close to her. And now the thing that she had needed to save herself was as good as gone. Nicky gave one last glance back to Lorna, and shook her head miserably as she stared at her from the steps of the bus.

Lorna, on the other hand, continued yelling on the steps of her own bus. "Let me go," she screamed, yanking her arms back from the officers trying to push her inside. She couldn't give up. Her heart pounded in her chest, every beat telling her to keep on trying, to fight for love. "Nicky!" Her face was red and blotchy with tears. "This isn't how it's supposed to be!" The doors slammed shut behind her, trapping her in as she banged on the window, pushed down onto a seat. Her eyes trained on the mess of blonde hair pressed up against the window of the bus opposite, and she couldn't stop herself from shaking.

And so the buses turned away from each other, leaving in opposite directions, two damsels in distress handled their grief in the two ways that they had learned how. Lorna craned her neck to watch the other bus leave, turning around in her seat until it merged with other traffic, filled with hope that one day, she would see Nicky again. And Nicky looked down at her feet, ignoring everything around her as bees swarmed in her head. Because Snow White and Sleeping Beauty were never meant to be together, and it was simply some blip, a cruel twist in fate, that they'd even been allowed the short time they'd had each other.

As their respective buses pulled away, only one of their thoughts matched up; _the love of my life is gone. Gone, gone, gone…_

 _ **A/N:**_

 _ **Hello lovelies! Long time no see.  
I hope you like this chapter. It's definitely not my favorite and it was painful to finish. Lol.  
Let me know what you wanna see next!**_

 _ **\- Star xo**_


	8. H

_H is for hallucination_

 _Hallucination - as defined by the Oxford English Dictionary, a hallucination is "an experience involving the apparent perception of something not present." Synonyms include fantasy, mirage, daydream, and delusion._

 _She loves you._

That's the thought that flashed through Lorna's mind as Nicky held her as she cried. Later, as she stared at the ceiling in bed that night, it galloped through her mind like a herd of wild horses. She shook her head at the nothingness, into the darkness that engulfed the dorms at lights out.

 _No, she doesn't._

"Nobody's gonna love me."

"I do."

The conversation played back in her head. Did she really? Lorna pulled at her hair, her teeth gritted under the covers. Her head span as the words echoed, over and over and _over._ Had she even said it? Or was that just yet another fantasy that she'd pulled from nowhere? Had she tricked herself, _again?_ Her eyes snapped open in the dark. She had wanted someone who looked at her like she hung the moon. Now, with how frazzled her head felt, she thought that if she had long enough, she could convince herself that she really had. And who was gonna love that? How could she expect _anyone_ to even put up with it?

Like a child plucking the petals off of a daisy, "she loves me" and "she loves me not" alternated through her head with every breath. Everything pointed to a happy ending - or, at least, as happy of an ending that prison ever could bring. But as Lorna's breath faltered, another sob hitching at the back of her throat, she reminded herself that it always did with her.

When she was a little girl, she'd been called a daydreamer. Her teachers would sigh and remind her that she was there to learn her ABCs, not pine over the princes she'd left behind in her storybooks at home. Her home life left so much to be desired that she'd lose herself in fiction, in the idea that _one day,_ she could be happier than her parents ever seemed to be.

In high school, every boyfriend became _The One_ and every promise ring that adorned her finger was proudly showed to everyone she passed. Bobby and Chad and Scott and David, all high school boyfriends that she'd loved with every part of her. So much so that she felt that she had nothing left of her by the time she graduated.

With Christopher, it had actually happened - and _oh!_ she was so happy. She felt whole again. Her heart thumped when he looked at her. When their hands had touched, she just knew! It all played through her head. The white wedding dress, the hum of the wedding march under her breath as she flicked through the magazines, the idea that her father would give her away to someone better than he'd ever be…

It all came crashing down when the prison cell bars slammed behind her, leaving her cold and alone.

But there, she met someone who made her heart sing, and made her feel like she was _worth_ something..and without her twisting the truth. The first time she'd met Nicky, she'd been surprised at how easily the lies had fallen from her mouth as the blonde hit on her.

" _Hey, doll," Nicky had said, a smirk plastered on her face. "Wanna have a good time?"_

" _Sorry, honey," Lorna said, a giggle escaping as Nicky's hand slid down her waist. "I'm getting married." The lie made her heart skip a beat. But in here there was no Franny to roll her eyes and remind Lorna what had_ _ **really**_ _happened. No disappointed glares from a mother who wanted more for her youngest daughter. No father who slammed his fist on the table, fury radiating from his core. There was only women who lapped up the romantic tale she was spinning, and begged to hear more about her dress._

" _You are?" Nicky asked, glancing around. "I don't see any confetti."_

 _Lorna's ever present scarlet smile faltered for the briefest moment. "When I get outta here, I mean…" She took a breath, brown eyes sparkling. "Christopher's waitin' for me. I'm the luckiest girl in the world."_

 _Nicky's eyes scanned Lorna from her head to her toes. Despite Lorna's insistence, her hand didn't move and Lorna didn't ask her to move it._

" _You could be," Nicky agreed, the smirk not fading. Lorna prickled with annoyance - but had to admit that the tendrils of hair tickling her neck as Nicky leaned closer felt nice...nicer than any boy's hand groping at her blindly. "Just let me know if you get bored, kid."_

 _Lorna's heart was beating fast, and her mouth suddenly felt dry. She stepped back and nodded. "I will," she promised, turning to leave._

 _And a few weeks later, after much pestering from the blonde, she finally had._

" _You know anything good to do around here?" Lorna asked, shyness creeping into her voice as she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear._

 _Nicky looked up from her lunch. She let the spoon drop onto the tray, an eyebrow quirking up curiously. "In prison?"_

" _Uh-huh." Lorna nodded. She slid down next to Nicky, resting her chin on her hand. "You know anything?"_

 _Nicky paused for a moment. She pushed her tray away and leaned on her elbows. A lopsided grin appeared on her face. "Are you saying you're bored?"_

It was funny to think that years had passed since that first meeting. Despite the tears trailing down her face, Lorna smiled fondly at the memory. She could almost feel the kisses being planted down her collarbone and the cool breeze coming through the old chapel windows, even now. It was even weirder to consider that this was her longest relationship. Her strongest relationship. The one that had always been there for her, even when her head was all over the place. _Especially_ when her head was all over the place.

But she couldn't trust herself. Any thoughts of a happy ending, she banished from her mind. This was prison. _Prison!_ There were no happy endings here. Once they left, they'd never see each other again. Nicky wouldn't wait up for her crazy ass. They'd both leave here and she'd go back home, and Nicky would go back to her glamorous life, back to her travels, maybe even Bora Bora Bora...all without her.

No, any fairytale that Lorna had imagined with Nicky and a happy ending was just that - an invention, a hallucination of a life she'd invented in her head. As much as she wanted it, it was only her mind tricking her. She didn't deserve the happiness it would bring her, she thought, as she snuggled into her pillow. But, she reasoned, as her eyes closed and her mind filled with thoughts of the blonde, she could always dream.

 _ **Hey! I hope you liked this chapter. Thanks to CoffeeWritingAddiction for the suggestion - always feel free to leave me suggestions for letters, I'm always looking for them!  
Please leave a review telling me what you thought. Hope you're well. Looking forward to the trailer later today!**_

 _ **\- Star xo**_


	9. I

_**No spoilers for season six in this!**_

 _I is for interview_

"What is the worst part about incarceration?" The interviewer sat back, pencil poised, as Lorna considered her answer.

When Caputo had come to her and said that a journalist wanted to ask the inmates questions, and he thought she'd be good for the role, she hadn't expected that question.

The brunette bit her lip. _The worst thing about incarceration..._ she drummed her fingers on the table. Lorna could have sat there for days, listing the awful aspects of incarceration; the food, the lack of privacy, the inhuman treatment, the lack of decent shampoo - seriously, her hair was so _frizzy_ now - the unflattering outfits…

"Leaving people behind." The words were out of her mouth before she really thought about it, and she shifted in her seat uncomfortably. Offering the interviewer a bashful smile, she nodded. "That's the worst thing."

"Your family must miss you," the interviewer replied, still scribbling in the notebook. He looked up expectantly for Lorna's answer.

She nodded again. "Mhm," she said. "You're used to seeing them everyday. When they leave, it hits you hard." She stole a glance to the side of the visitation room, where Nicky watched her through the glass. The blonde grinned at her when she caught her eye, giving her a thumbs up. Lorna's cheeks tinged pink, and she gave a little wave.

"When _they_ leave?"

Lorna sat up, her attention back to the interviewer. "Oh yeah. I've got a few years left on my sentence yet. People leave all the time here. Just last week, Yoga Jones left. She was real zen, you know. But Red cooked us a family meal, and we said goodbye to her." Lorna smiled at the memory, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "I think she even cried when she left."

The interviewer sat back, tapping his pencil. "I assumed you meant your real family."

Lorna's brow furrowed. "They _are_ real. If you worried about DNA in this place, you'd never sleep at night. People need people." Lorna glanced over at the window again, her eyes shining. Nicky was still right there. When wasn't she?

 _Lorna stepped out of the van, clutching her bedding in the wire mesh bag. Her heart thudded in her ears, so loud that it was hard to know what the women around her were saying. It all felt so foreign. She didn't belong here. She was normal. Law-abiding. She bit her lip. These women were terrifying. She stalled in the line, and received a quick blow to the back from the woman behind her. Franny was right. Prison was going to eat her alive._

" _Hey, Natalie Wood!"_

 _Lorna looked behind her. She held her bag closer to her, resting her chin on the scratchy fabric._

" _No, you!" Lorna focused on the voice calling to her. A blonde with a smile as big as her hair was gesturing to her. "If you get lonely, doll, come and find me!"_

 _Lorna laughed. It was the first laugh she remembered since before the trial had started. "I will!" Lorna called back, looking over her shoulder to catch another glimpse of her. She was lost in the sea of inmates. But Lorna had a feeling she would be seeing her again._

"You don't find the other inmates...scary? To be frank, Miss…" he glanced down at his paper and located her name amongst the notes."Miss Morello, you don't seem the type to fare well in prison. The other women, they don't intimidate you at all?"

Lorna giggled softly, shaking her head. "Once you've seen Demarco all dolled up to see her grandkids and helped Sister Ingalls up after a dizzy spell, you tend to lose the fear. Of course there _was_ Vee, but Miss Rosa, God rest her soul, sorted her out."

Lorna smiled like she hadn't commented on a murder, and the interviewer nodded thoughtfully. "Most of them are very nice people. But they don't live so good. You know, with the overcrowding and struggling to pay rent...not my Nicky, though. She says money isn't everything." Lorna gave the interviewer an indulgent smile. "But most people who have it do say that, don't they?"

 _Lorna flipped through a travel magazine, sighing enviously at every page with a beautiful beach or one of the seven wonders. "I'd be the happiest girl in the world if I was lying in the sand there," she said, leaning against Nicky. She pointed to the page, her hand caressing as if she could feel the sand between her fingers._

" _I doubt it," Nicky said. "The Bahamas are overrated, in my opinion. I didn't look like the happiest girl in the world. I looked pissed because the sand was too grainy and the water was fucking freezing."_

" _You've been?" Lorna sat up. "Tell me all about it!" She held the picture up and could almost feel the warm sun beating down on her. "I wanna feel the sand between my toes."_

 _Nicky shrugged. "Marka was supposed to come. It was celebrating a month sober - you know, for the first time, at least. But my uncle Ray offered her something better." A sad smile crept onto her face. "That's when I discovered I liked cocaine, too."_

 _Lorna found Nicky's clammy fingers under the blanket that covered them both. "She really did that?" Lorna stroked Nicky's hair absently, her fingers working through knots that had formed underneath the surface. She leaned down to kiss her forehead._

 _Nicky nodded. "But hey, heroin in a tiki hut is so much classier than off of some junkie's couch."_

" _Don't say that," Lorna said, frowning. She braided a small strand of Nicky's hair as she thought. "When we go to the Bahamas, we'll swim in the sea. I know you said it's cold, but-"_

" _I'm sure it'll be hotter with you in it," Nicky chuckled. "And_ when _we go to the Bahamas? Have you got your future planned out, then?"_

"Our _future," Lorna corrected. "And yes, I do."_

" _Are those words in your plans?" Nicky whispered, not daring to look her in the eye. One day it was Christopher this, Christopher that, then the next it was "us" and "we" and "our future". It made Nicky's head spin. "_ Our _plans," she corrected herself._

 _Lorna blushed, though Nicky didn't see the pink that swept her cheeks. She only saw the silence and felt the way her hands hovered mid-braid. Lorna sucked in a long breath. "I...I hope that they are, one day. What about you? Do you...do you hope that they are?"_

" _I do," Nicky replied._

"Okay," the interviewer said. "One last question, if you would, Miss Morello. Prison is supposed to be for reformation and rehabilitation, though these qualities have been queried as to whether they have any real effect on the prison population. There is a high rate of recidivism."

Lorna nodded, though a lot of the words were going over her head. She concentrated hard on the question.

"Do you think prison has made you a better person? Do you believe that when you walk through those doors on your release day, that you're better than when you walked in?"

Lorna hesitated. Had prison made her a better person? No. It hadn't. It had made her wary of men in power. It had made her realize how uncomfortable it made her to get undressed in front of strangers. It had made her realize how disgusting some people could truly be. But did she believe she was going to walk out a better person? One hundred percent, yes.

"Prison?" Lorna said, drawing invisible patterns on the well-worn table top. She wondered how many people had leaned over this table to kiss their loved ones. How many toddlers had been placed on it, ready to hug mommy goodbye. "No. Prison hasn't made me a better person."

Her gaze fell to the visitation window, where Nicky still stood, enthralled. Lorna beamed at her, and then pointed her out for the interviewer.

"But these women, the women I've shared a home with for these past years? They've made me better. _She's_ made me better."

 _Nicky,_ she says inside of her head. _Nicky has made me better._ And for that, she would forever be grateful. Wherever life took them - be it Bora Bora Bora, the Bahamas, or a shabby apartment someplace downtown (because Lorna would follow her anywhere), they'd be together. And Lorna knew that together, they were better.

 _ **A/N:**_

 _ **Hiya lovelies!  
How did you find the new season? Honestly...Lorna disappointed me so much. Nicky was amazing, but Lorna...well. There were some cute moments though.  
Tell me what you thought. And please tell me what you thought of this in a review.  
Have a great day! **_

**_\- Star xo_**


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